i hate my body

god i just want them to look at me to see me but not see my body. i want them to touch me but at the same time i panic when they do in case they dont like the feel of it. my skin is so rough with scars in all the places people like to touch. the skin is numb from the scar tissue that i would hardly be able to feel touch from others in the first place. i try so hard to lose weight yet get no where. i fail in everything i do. im living alone no one is going to notice if i hardly eat so why do i keep doing it i need to stop so i can stand a little more for people to see me. not like anyone does anyway. the one time i was actualy naked in front of someone all i wanted was to cover up again. we didnt get that far though we tried. he never tried again with him and frankly i dont blame him.